I woke this morning feeling disoriented , angry, annoyed, impatient, and frustrated by the re-election of Donald Trump. I think from the list of these emotional descriptors, the one most worthy of exploration is ‘disoriented’ because it encourages seeking greater understanding and harvesting maybe a few insights. Kamala Harris generally didn’t evoke the same level of intensity as Trump. Harris’ rallies were attended by the happy warriors and optimists. Trump’s rallies were dark but with a weird and scary carnival-like feel. One was a Hallmark movie and the other was The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Trump is an entertainer and Harris a thinker. Harris is not an entertainer and was more intent on being the mindful and diligent public servant. Over the course of her three-month campaign, she promoted an evolving message (meta-message) that began with Trump’s deficiencies and character flaws moving to one of optimism and creating afresh start that would facilitate neighborliness and our need to work together. Now, for me this was refreshing and energizing. For so much of the past decade Trump’s unending apocalyptic rants and pervasive negativity has driven my shoulders up around my ears, evoked anxiety and seemed to bring out my least becoming attributes- mostly anger and a willingness to embrace the notion that we had become hopelessly polarizedand lost. I see Trump much like an infant. Think about it. Whenever Trump or a newborn is the least bit uncomfortable, (emotionally, physically, temperamentally, they whine, cry and wail wildly until they get the desired attention. Infants cry long before they smile. It takes months to coax a smile from an infant. Crying and complaining is something we know how to do the moment we are expelled from the womb. In time, we may or may not learn to smile, to express that we feel secure and safe. Trump is not an infant, of course. But he is a phenomenon. On one level it is perhaps amusing for some to witness a grown man whine and cry, rage and threaten revenge about everything that distresses. Sooner or later, in his wide range of complaints you will find some of your own grievances in his tantrum. And just like magic. Bang! He understands! In fact, what Trump does is appeals to your most basic instincts convincing you that you’re lacking something you need and he encourages you to complain and be unhappy about it. But more to the point and more accurately he is essentially a spectacular disaster and like all disasters, we are drawn to him. He is the car wreck on the side of the highway surrounded by flashing police and ambulance lights. “Did you see anyone in the car?” Or he is the house firewith flames rising high above the roof. It is an awesome spectacle. “Did they get everyone out?” Trump’s wide ranging and ever-expanding unhappiness and upset aligns with at least some of our own and we feel understood. And still more important, whining, complaining, anger, feeling unfairly taken advantaged of is infectious. He infects his audiences with negativity, he legitimizes our right to rage, to strike out at others. He reminds us that revenge is not only sweet but morally appropriate. You hang around unhappy people who complain all the time and I promise you will soon find yourself sounding like them. You see, maybe Kamala Harris didn’t have time to infect us with her happy warrior bug; her optimism, her ‘all work is good work’ And here’s the thing. Optimism takes work. Compassion takes work. It doesn’t come as easy as crying does which is more reflexive. We are not drawn to the work entailed in becoming optimistic when there’s a bloody car wreck to ogle over at the rally down the street. You want to learn how to be optimistic when someone just told you there are 5 cop cars at the end of the block and all the officers have their guns drawn. You’re headed out the door down the block to witness the emerging disaster. Crying babies demand attention, indeed learns to use it as a means to capture attention. A content and cooing baby batting the mobile suspended over his crib allows us to feel something close to “things are okay”.
Consider what proposals Trump offered over the course of his campaign. He promised to:
1. Be their retribution
2. Enact crushing tariffs
3. Round up and arrest illegal immigrants, put them in detention camps and deport them all
Beyond that he articulated for you all the reasons you should be pissed off, all the ways you’ve been exploited, he set the building on fire and crashed cars to remind you how fascinating it was to be close to disaster. Trump knows how much fun people have at a demolition derby.
And Harris? What did she offer? A rough outline of policies that would help with childcare, support first time home buyers, care for seniors paid for by Medicare. It resonated with some. But for others, it was BORING! And all that optimism and sunshine. Oh, C’MONALA KAMALA!
As I have briefly (it has been less than 20 hours) pondered the election results, one additional simplistic and overtly obvious idea has occurred to me. Trump was exhausting because being angry and alienated from others exacts a huge cost for me and people like me. Am I conflict avoidant? Maybe. I don’t like to ‘get into it’ but regrettably do so more often than is especially helpful. My point is it negativity, grievances, and rage exact a personal cost for some of us. I really like to get along with those in my ecosphere. I don’t need a super close relationship, but I like one that is stress free.
When we moved to Chapel Hill some years back our HOA made up of a whopping 12 homeowners. A few months after settling in, an HOA representative informed us we were violating community rules by having three dogs. Of course this was distressing. The remedy was to get rid of one. I they failed to understand that our dogs are like family. Now I was angry and I told the HOA rep so. Nevertheless, it was stated in the CC&R’s and our efforts to amend them to provide for an exception fell on deaf ears. Soon came the legal threats, so we knew moving only months after we bought the house was in the immediate future.But the argument went on for months and I wondered what could sustain the HOA’s (read: my neighbors) fortitude. We lived on an acre, the yard was fenced, and the dogs were well-behaved. In the end, our lawyer said we would lose a challenge, so now I was baffled, angry, alienated from my neighbors, and helpless to do anything but capitulate. Back and forth we went. Meetings to resolve and meetings to put our foot down, building alliances and then lawyering up. It had turned into a show, and it seemed that some were deriving energy from it. Our lawyer asked, “Do you really want to live with these people?” The answer was self-evident. Fortunately, we were able to buy a new house and rent the one we had to abandon.
Now, let me return to my observation about my being exhausted by anger and division as I believe others are energized by it. Again, I’m stating the obvious with this hypothesis, but I do wonder to what extent these things are baked into our temperament. Some are energized by negativity while others are depleted. And some are energized by optimism while others regard it as boring. A parallel that occurs to me has to do with those temperaments that are assessed in the Myers-Briggs inventory ie: introversion vs extroversion; intuition vs sensing; intuition vs feeling; perceiving vs. judging.
In the Myers-Briggs model one is taught that while, for example we may be introverted, we can learn how to apply extroverted behaviors in, say our workplace. I think we are capable of rising above our basest instincts to learn that embracing and supporting optimism may not be as exciting as a building on fire but when you consider the stakes which some consider little more than a game show…when you consider the stakes, maybe we’d do well to take a page from the boring Brits political playbook. Shorten campaigns, prohibit dark money which supports turning it all into a Vegas show, and keep it focused on the consequences of our choices.
Today the medical assistant in the doctor’s office where I went to get a steroid injection in my throbbing knee said, “It’ll all be fine” after I mentioned the election. I’m afraid I don’t believe that. I don’t think its going to be fine. Trump has no plan. His handlers have a plan called “Project 2025” that will change just about everything our country has stood for, and our citizens have died for. You think Zelensky and Ukraine believe things are going to be fine? They’re not. You think Trump is going to put his foot down with his buddy Putin. Putin was all over the election; his people phoning in bomb threats, AI experts generating fake news. You think Taiwan is going to be fine? We know according to US intelligence that the PRC plans to act in 2027 to begin integrating Taiwan into mainland Chinese political life. Things aren’t going to be fine when civil servants begin quitting or are forced out so Trump’s people can replace them. I worked with governments in the US, UK, Australia, Israel, Saudi Arabia, and Europe. The jobs that Trump’s elites think is simple are not simple and can require years of training. And the immigrants….oh, illegal immigrants. Who do you think is building all the new homes in South Carolina? Who do you think has deboned your neatly packaged chicken thighs and breasts, and those strawberries, and the neat and tidy green lawns?
It won’t be fine. It’s broken. It’s the house fire and the car wreck your fascinated with. We need now to rescue the survivors and get to work fixing our very damaged political system.
Something to Say 